So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore

Author : Jake Colsen Number of Pages : 191 Publisher : Windblown Media List Price : $11.99 Amazon Price : $6.45 Used Price : $6.32

Product Description

What would you do if you met someone you thought just might be one of Jesus original disciples still living in the 21st Century? That's Jake's dilemma as he meets a man who talks of Jesus as if he had known him, and whose way of living challenges everything Jake had previously known. So You Don t Want to Go To Church Anymore is Jake s compelling journal that chronicles thirteen conversations with his newfound friend over a four-year period and how those exchanges turn Jake's world upside-down. With his help, Jake faces his darkest fears, struggles through brutal circumstances and comes out on the other side in the joy and freedom he always dreamed was possible. If you're tired of just going through the motions of Christianity and want to mine the depths of what it really means to live deeply in Christ, you ll find Jake s story will give you hope for your own. This book probes the difficult questions and offers some far-reaching answers. It just might turn your world upside-down as well!

Customer reviews

Wow. How refreshing by .. Caleb Mattern (NC United States)
I enjoyed this fresh story of a man learning what depending on and walking with our Father looks like that I have already started reading another Jacobsen book (He Loves Me). I would highly recommend people that are in church and have grown up in church or are tired of church to read this. It calls into question the motives and standards by which most churches reflect what christianity looks like. It doesn't speak to leaving church and actually hate that the title is what it is because I think it has the potential to turn off some of the people in the church that could benefit most from it. It does speak to leaving the traps of "church" we have fallen into and allow it to become more about Him then us. As I said earlier I highly recommend this book!

Faith Rejuvenated by .. Mkmac ()
I fancy myself a Christian, a true believer of Jesus Christ, with endless faith in God and the belief that he loves me no matter what and that through him all things are possible. But, regardless of the fact that I enjoy Sunday service, I've always felt that church was "forced" on me and that I must go to be a good Christian. "So you don't want to go to church anymore" spoke to me about MY relationship with God, and made me look at my relationship and the love of God in a whole new light. I now KNOW that I am a true Christian, and that by faith through His grace I will live an ethernal life with Jesus. Amen! Thanks Jake & Wayne for a GREAT book!

Excellent Book by .. Ralph Flewelling ()
Great read once I started couldn't put it down. Will really make you think about your church.

Answers questions you may not yet have asked (out loud) by .. Sharon Rose (New England USA)
Not so much an indictment of 'going to church' as a deep and insightful look at what fallen humanity manages to make of initially good ideas regarding community and fellowship. A unique approach is used here, with the storyteller sharing his growth of understanding as it occurred over 4 years of 'unscheduled' encounters with a man who speaks of Jesus with an intimate knowledge, as though he walked beside Him while on earth. Giving rise to speculation about whether THIS 'John' might be John the Disciple himself, these encounters pull the reader into his own state of wonder about how a first century Christian would view our idea of 'church' in the 21st Century. If you are a person who has been involved in 'church' in the way we often view the Christian religious organizations in America, whether institutional OR house church in form, be prepared to find yourself in uncomfortable descriptions and attitudes that you may well have not ever perceived being part of who you are, as well as a new perspective on systems and leaders you admire and trust. Much of the discomfort comes from realizing what stress and difficulty our systems have inadvertently set up, even for our youngest Sunday School goers, in confusing performance based affirmation with the unearned (I would say agape, though the writer does not use that term) love of God for His children, and the trust relationship He desires us to have with Him each and every day. Read this book! Take from it what God gives you to find, and perhaps you will move into a place of Christ-life that you never dreamed possible, and find your relationship with the Father far more real than heretofore realized.

Fascinating Book by .. John H. Eagan (Freehold, NJ)
This book was a fantastic, inspirational and creative story. "So You Don t Want to Go To Church Anymore" is a story of a man's struggle with his religion. The character, Jake, meets a man who just may be one of Jesus' original disciples still alive today. It's a heartfelt story that takes the reader through a maze of emotional turmoil. I hope people will start practicing their religion again with enthusiasm as a result of this book. I'm not a fiction writer but I've always admired those fiction writers who can make up a story with their great imaginations, like Jake Colsen, Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman, for so many people to enjoy. I see people recommending in their reviews my book, "The Enlightenment, What God Told Me After One Million Prayers: A Message for Everyone," and I just want them to know how much I appreciate their recommendation. I wrote this book out of love and for the glory of God and Jesus, not for my own fame or fortune. I welcome people to read my book, I'm sure you'll find this non-fiction account of God just as inspiring.

Related Search : so don , anymore , go church

17 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do Anymore

Author : Jenny Offill Number of Pages : 32 Release Date : 2006-12-26 Publisher : Schwartz & Wade List Price : $15.99 Amazon Price : $9.06 Used Price : $6.25

Product Description

I had an idea to staple my brother's hair to his pillow. I am not allowed to use the stapler anymore.

Here's a kid full of ideas, all day long. For example, in the morning, gluing her brother's bunny slippers to the floor sounds like a good plan. But now she's not allowed to use glue anymore. And what about when she shows Joey Whipple her underpants—they're only underpants, right? Turns out she's not allowed to do that again, either. And isn't broccoli the perfect gift for any brother? It's just too bad her parents don't think so. But she has the last laugh in this humerous first picture book by an acclaimed novelist of books for adults.

Customer reviews

A naughty main character does not equal a bad book by .. Devilfish (Honolulu, Hawaii USA)
Regardless of what you think, this is still a great book for its illustrations and its story. For those who judge the book only on its implications on the potential readers, you do not give enough credit to the discerning readers nor to the guidance of their parents. Also, how can you judge a book on what you think readers will take away from it? It is a funny and well done book. The same can be said about "Curious George," "Eloise," "Peter Rabbit," "Where the Wild Things Are," "Angelina Ballerina," "Captain Underpants," the Fudge books, and many, many others!

For the curious, here's a list of the naughty things the main character does:

1. Staples her brother's hair to his pillow
2. Glues her brother's bunny slippers to the floor
3. Tells her brother that he would be eaten by hyenas
4. Walks backward to school
5. Does her school report on beavers instead of George Washington as assigned
6. Tells the class that she owns a hundred beavers
7. Shows a boy her underpants (while doing a cartwheel)
8. Sets fire to the boy's shoe with a magnifying glass
9. Walks backward home
10. Freezes a fly in an ice cube
11. Throws a cauliflower at her brother (as he says grace)
12. Washes her hands in the dog's water bowl
13. Orders a better dinner from her mother (as though she were a waitress)
14. Tells the story of a mother who fell into a volcano (of mashed potatoes)
15. Pretends not to hear mother as she scolds
16. Attempts to run away (to live with beavers)

and finally, what apparently upsets the critics so much...

17. Says the opposite of what she means to trick everyone. This is accompanied by an illustration of the girl saying "I'm sorry" as she is hugged by her smiling mother. The girl looks back with a mischievous grin while hiding a stapler behind her back. The final line reads "I am allowed to say the opposite of what I mean forevermore."

There, judge for yourself if you'd read it to your child, but please do not say it is a "horrible" book because it is very well done.

Great Book! by .. Joe ()
I read this book to my class and -- GASP! -- not ONE of them proceeded to set classmates on fire, show off their underwear, or display any of the other behaviors from the book. Judging from some of the reviews here, you'd think my whole class would become satan worshipers and start kicking puppies instead of soccer balls upon hearing this book.

What they DID do is laugh. A lot. This book was a lot of fun, and good for discussion, too. What exactly happened between the page where she told what she did and the page where she states she's not allowed to do it anymore?

But then we're having a conversation about her behavior, which some constipated, self-righteous prudes would rather we not do. According to them, if we don't see it in books (or TV or wherever), we won't be forced to talk about it, and if we don't talk about it, we won't think about it, and if we don't think about it, we won't do it. Too funny!

Terrible!!!! by .. SessaD (Winston Salem, NC USA)
I read the bad review for this book, but bought it anyway thinking the people that wrote the reviews were probably being ridiculous. They weren't! Thank goodness I read the book before giving it to my friends daughter, who will be five next month. A little good hearted mischieviousness is cute, but the girl in this book needs a spanking! She puts a magnifying glass in the sun, and catches one of her classmates at school on fire!!!!! Holy crap!! She catches a kid on fire!!! To say that I am open minded and liberal is an understatement, so if I feel this book is inappropriate, it will probably make most of you have a heart attack! Save your money!

I don't mind the book that much, but the nieces weren't very into it. by .. Ulyyf (NYC)
Read it in the bookstore.

Some of the misadventures are a little over-the-top in general mean-spiritedness, I'll agree. Most of them, though, are just what you'd expect a bright, bored child to come up with - like walking backwards all the way home.

As far as her encouraging "lying" on the last page (saying sorry when she doesn't mean it), the fact is that authority figures insist on this all the time. How many times have I watched Supernanny and the only way to get out of time-out is to say sorry - even when it's clear the kid is only sorry they got caught? Honestly admitting this is a step forwards, not backwards.

But, as always, I bow to the wishes of my nieces when deciding what to buy for them (at least, when I can't get it used and on sale!) And the one wasn't interested in the book, and the other actually didn't like it at all, requesting another book and saying that "She shouldn't do that!"

So a book that I'd rate four stars gets a star knocked off for not appealing to the kids it needs to appeal to - my own nieces.

I laughed so hard I cried! by .. L. Withrow (Ellensburg, WA)
This is what Junie B. Jones will be like in about the third grade.
This is also one of the funniest books I've ever read. I was trying to keep quiet as I was reading it in the library and just ended up coughing, snorting, wheezing, crying and eventualy leaving the room so I could let the laughter out. I don't think kids will see this as a "how to" for bad behavior. The mischief the girl gets into is so absurd I can't imagine most kids being inspired by it.
Brilliant illustrations!

Related Search : anymore , 17 things , m allowed

He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It

Author : Bob Berkowitz Number of Pages : 256 Release Date : 2007-12-26 Publisher : William Morrow List Price : $24.95 Amazon Price : $5.75 Used Price : $5.00

Product Description

Men not interested in sex? Can this really be true? It is for the estimated 20 million American men and women who are in relationships in which the man has stopped being sexually intimate. This breakthrough book reveals the counterintuitive truth: Many men are just not up for it anymore. To find out why, bestselling author and relationship expert Dr. Bob Berkowitz and his wife, Susan Yager-Berkowitz, began an unprecedented survey of more than 4,000 men and women in this situation, gathering data and following up with hundreds of interviews with selected respondents.

Why don't these men want to have sex? Is the problem physical, emotional, or psychological—or are these guys simply bored with their partners? Is it unexpressed anger about other aspects of their relationships? Are they depressed? Now that there is limitless access to pornography, are some men no longer able to be turned on without it? Are they becoming satiated? Do they have a fully functioning libido, just not for their wives? Or is decreased interest in sex just an unacknowledged but natural fact of life for a lot of men? Do they want their libidos back?

Further, how do their partners feel about this? Are they dejected or relieved? Do they suspect infidelity, asexuality or homosexuality, or just blame themselves? What are they doing about it? What can they do?

He's Just Not Up for It Anymore provides a unique window into the sexless man's mind—so that men and women can understand this important issue and begin to address the problems that have inhibited intimacy, and ultimately solve them.

Customer reviews

Best book on the subject yet. Even better than THE SEX STARVED WIFE. by .. Cynthia Danute Cekauskas, LCSW (Savannah, Georgia)
I must say. At first I thought there could be no better work on the subject than The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire. This book is much more comprehensive, thorough and gender balanced in examining the reasons why male partners either decrease or cease their sexual activity with their significant others. Perhaps this is so because the book is written by a married couple who wanted to be fair to both genders involved. Like THE SEX STARVED WIFE the book wrote that HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder)can be used as a catchall term for little or no sex as a result of many factors both psychological and physiological in origin. So often the medical community has a tendency to assume that the sole reason for this has to do with low testosterone count. In Chapter Eleven "Maybe He's Gay? Asexual?" Berkowitz and Yager-Berkowitz clearly state "if a man's sex drive is low, it may not be due to low testosterone...there are multiple physiological and psychological reasons for a man not wanting to have partnered sex." Significantly, one reason may be "simply the way an individual functions, just as one man may have an unusually high sex drive, another may have one unusually low. And sometimes a man with a weak level of desire marries a female with a libido that falls into a range that is average or above, a situation perhaps masked in the early days of courtship when his passion was able to soar to a temporary high before it peaked and declined back to what was 'normal' for him". This is something THE SEX STARVED WIFE neglected to mention. I have read some reviewers that sounded furious that the author of THE SEX STARVED WIFE seemed to blame the woman exclusively for the problem.In their concluding chapter Berkowitz and Yager-Berkowitz DO admit that "sexless marriage is rarely the result of only one partner's behavior, even it if looks that way on the surface." I DO agree with that statement but I DON'T agree with what they allege in Chapter One "Why Men Stop Having Sex." I do not agree that WOMEN shift responsibility for the lack of sex away from themselves. On the contrary, I think women have a tendency to BLAME THEMSELVES for their husband's lack of desire and oftentimes excessively and unjustly so. Both partners in the relationship have to take responsibility for their actions. Far too often there is a hidden power struggle existing in the relationship. It IS pointed out that "the absence of sexual desire is most often related to expressed or unexpressed anger...living with critical and controlling women who were ready to fly off the handle..." but also that "We don't believe anger is one-sided...They are taking no responsibility for, or are oblvious to, their own part in the story." The authors rightfully state "A conflict-free relationship is impossible. However, when conflict becomes either a cause or an excuse for witholding sex, it is not handled properly." Additionally "Not getting or sustaining an erection can also be a way of passively showing contempt. Withholding sex becomes a punishment; he is refusing to give her something she wants, perhaps one of the few things he perceives as still being within his control." This creates a vicious circle when "The 'noncritical' or 'nonangry' partner responds by witholding touch, warmth and sex, which gives the 'angry' spose more reason to stay that way." At any rate I would strongly recommend this book especially for any woman struggling in a relationship where sexual intimacy has been rendered extinct.

Objective, Well-Researched 4000 Person Survey of Married Men Who Lose Sexual Interest in Their Wives by .. L. A. Enke (New York City)
I'm flabberghasted reading the other reviews of this book, so confused that I just retrieved it, to peruse it again before writing this review. I sense that other reviewers are processing the facts of the book through the lens of their own personal lives.

I read this superb book on men losing interest in sex with their wives as a professional consultant, with a keen interest in sex in America. The book is well balanced and not all focused on placing blame on EITHER party, inspite of two totally contradictory reviews of the same book.

The authors do make the accurate point that the lower-libido partner ALWAYS controls sexual frequency in any relationship. In no way does this book exempt wives from contributing to loss of their husband's libido.

First and foremost, the chapters of the book are organized around the results of a 4000 person, gender-balanced survey of men who have withdrawn from sex with their wives, and wives whose husbands don't want sex with them. These respondents are not married to each other.

We first read the reasons why men said they stopped having sex with their wives. The top three reasons listed were:

1. She isn't sexually adventurous enough for me -- 68%
2. She doesn't seem to enjoy sex -- 61%
3. I am interested is sex with others, but not with my wife -- 48%

Next, we read the women's responses -- why they think their husbands stopped having sex with them. The top three reasons lsited were:

1. He lost interest and I don't know why -- 66%
2. He is depressed -- 57%
3. He is angry at me -- 45%

In fact, this #3 answer among women is about the only thing that men and women agree on in this classic Venus and Mars discussion around marital sexuality.

44% of men surveyed agree that they are mad at their wives, and this fact contributes to loss of libido.

What I like about the book is that it tackles big topics in this gender-based, bedroom divide. As a professional I am interested in the big picture, not one person's personal love life.

The authors write: "One of the biggest predictors of male sexual satisfaction is receiving oral sex. Moving beyond their own 4000 person survey, they cite the well-respected Elle/MSNBC poll of approximately 39,000 men, in which one of the biggest predictors of male sexual satisfaction is receiving oral sex."

That's the Mars position.

Venus, according to the same poll isn't so thrilled with Mars, when it comes to performing fellatio. 45 percent or the women surveyed say that they don't like performing fellatio.

Whether women like going down on a guy or not, men view fellatio as an ultimate expression of love, commitment, adoration, tenderness, and temporary surrender. To have 1 of every 2 marital bedrooms in deadlock on this topic could be considered a national problem, in my opinion.

The value of this book lies in its objective reporting on real answers to real questions in a large national survey. The anecdotal reporting comes from the followup interviews. I prefer this approach to books that focus on the problems of a few sexual or marital-therapy clients, and then offer big-picture analysis.

This book illuminates the chasm between 4000 men and women, who suffer marital distress with a low-libido husband. Period.

At the end of the book, neither sex is responsible. As is the case with most of life, the answers are in the joint-responsibility grey matter. The answers are physical, psychological, and cultural.

The only question that these parties do agree on, is that they are bloody angry with each other. I would begin the marital dig here.

Women as VICTIMS? A sly way to deflect responsibility and place blame, and be less than accurate and less than helpful. by .. REVIEWER (Nashville, TN)
I gave this book two stars because I believe improving marriages and the sex lives within them are very important, however it should really be one or one and a half stars because this book paints the picture in a very skewed fashion. It takes the position that the reason that couples are having less sex is the Man's fault, and any explanation given to the contrary from a man or a woman is retranslated to show that either the man is trying to deflect responsibility or the wife is "irrationally" feeling a sense of responsibility for an aspect of the sex life. It takes the viewpoint that all guy's are pretty much the same, or should be whatever women demand them to be, and anything less than compliance is his problem that he has to come to terms with. I believe that this kind of biased, accusatory, blaming advice is in no way going to help people at a deep level. I believe in deflecting responsibility from both partners and looking at the relationship which neither one can be separate or exonerated from responsibility from is the best solution. Both partners created the relationship, so both partners are responsible for what occurs in a relationship, like it or not, avoiding that fact, and using the resentful weapon of blame is going to cause more division and short circuit intimacy. If the man doesn't want to have sex, there may be a reason, but it may not be the reason you want to hear. And this whole business of using Erectile Dysfunction to marginalize a man and say that any action he takes or anything he feels sexually or relationally is because of Erectile Dysfunction is so shoddy and disrespectful that it totally misses the point and provides a disservice. What the author(s) don't understand and miss is that a flaccid penis is often the solution to a different problem and is a message from deep inside a man, unless he has a physical problem which can easily be assessed and corrected with better health habits and if absolutely necessary a medication, withthe hope that he will improve and restore his sexual health and if possible wead himself off of it. In the instance of a nonphysical problem the issue must be looked at as an unconscious outgrow of the true feelings and true status of the relationship, that is the most authentic message a man can give, because he can lie with many things, words, some actions, and such, but if he ever gets an erection, even in his sleep or in the mornings or with masturbation, his penis is telling you the truth about how he "really really" feels. Even though the massage may be difficult and not what you want to hear, you would be wise to listen and heed the message. But even in the instance of a "physical problem" his feelings are still valid, and to blame him for his feelings and try to pressure or guilt or blame a man into being sexual with you won't work, and even if it seems to, it will be a factory for resentment. I am not exonerating guy's from responsibility either because guy's and girl's both need to communicate, but misunderstandings like the one's expressed and articulated by the author's are very problematic, and even though they may sort of comfort those who want to blame and not take a real look at their lives and get some responsibility and a sense of control and intimacy in their lives, it could be quite hazardous. For some other options in looking at some of these issues consult books by Bernie Zilbergeld, Barry McCarthy, Jack Morin, Michael Castleman, and especially Marty Klein.

MUCH BETTER THAN The Sex Starved Wife by .. Jean (Virginia)
I just finished reading both this book and The Sex-Starved Wife. I really liked this book because it placed the reality of the non-responsive spouse on the man where it belongs. I found the message of the wife being at fault in the Sex Starved Wife to be demeaning, sexist, and very unsupportive to women.

My personal experience with a non-responsive husband is that no matter what you do, there is no response. The non-responsive spouse is in control of the sex. In the last 25 years, my husband and I have had sex no more than 10 times. I am not a nag. I am imaginative. I do discuss. I give him lots of space. There doesn't appear to be any joint solution to this problem - because it isn't a joint problem --- it is MY problem. He is perfectly happy the way things are. I am the one who is unhappy. Viagra does nothing just sitting on the nightstand!

So, this book really gives definitive information on how the wife feels about being deprived of sex and having to beg for it, or suffer for it, or take it whenever the man wants to give it whether she is in the mood or not. I think this male behavior should actually be called marital rape! Men need to know how they are treating women. The MYTH of women nagging and withholding sex is a LIE - It is the MEN who are doing it!

This is a huge problem for women in this country. Another cultural myth is that men are always and forever ready for sex at the drop of a hat - and women and men believe it. There isn't a simple solution to a man who refuses to have sex - dressing up in saran wrap is not going to fix this problem. My life is in tatters. I have given the book to my husband and now I guess I just wait some more! -- Great life....

I highly recommend this book and I am actively looking for others - suggestions are welcome

INFORMATIVE by .. OVER 60 (FRIENDSWOOD, TX United States)
I FOUND THIS BOOK INFORMATIVE, I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT BOTH MYSELF AND MY HUSBAND AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, MOST OF ALL, I HAVE COME AWAY WITH SOME AVENUES TO EXPLORE IN DEALING WITH THE SITUATION.

Related Search : up anymore , men stop , having sex

I Don't Love You Anymore: What to do when he says,

Author : David Clarke Number of Pages : 224 Publisher : Thomas Nelson List Price : $14.99 Amazon Price : $4.98 Used Price : $1.15

Product Description

"I don't love you anymore. These simple words have the power to send the listener into shock, denial, and desperation. The obvious response is to ask oneself, What can I do to win my partner back? In I Don't Love You Anymore, Dr. David Clarke provides just the battle plan needed.

Contrary to what many relationship experts recommend--weak, passive plans that involve begging or romancing a spouse back--Clarke offers an approach that he calls guerilla love, which essentially turns the tables on the wandering spouse. He outlines the biblical view of marriage and instructs readers on:

• Drawing healthy boundaries.
• Five things he really means when he says, I don't love you anymore.
• The most popular exit lies and how to see through them.
• Classic symptoms of a person who is having an affair.

Most important, Clarke empowers and equips readers to make the best, most God-honoring, attempt at saving a marriage.

Customer reviews

He just isn't that into you anymore. by .. Gail ()
Tells it like it really is. This will help you get your head on straight so you can get on with your life wherever that may end up. Helps you take action and take YOUR life back.

Disastrous Consequences. by .. Atlanta Gal (atlanta, georgia)
This book reads as though it were written by an angry betrayed spouse who wishes to justify his anger through his interpretation of a single passage of scriputre while subsequently neglecting every other aspect of scriptural forgiveness, reconciliation, grace and mercy. "Righteous anger" is his preferred term, however, there is nothing righteous about resorting to name calling and condemnation.

Jesus Himself displayed holy indignation BALANCED with holy compassion for sinners, even those he threw out of the temple. You cannot pick and choose which characteristics of Jesus' behavior you wish to follow. Your anger at your spouse may lead to regret, but it is highly doubtful that it will lead to the Godly sorrow through which true repentance comes. (2 Cor 7:9-10)

His advice is to take church discipline to the extreme, resorting to shunning and even insulting the unfaithful spouse. Imagine the consequences of such behavior in front of young children. If you want to drive your unfaithful spouse straight into the arms of the "other person", then this may very well be the method to do so.

The author seems absolutely oblivious to the fact that every marriage (and every affair) is different, just as much as he seems oblivous to the fact that we are all sinners. An affair (emotional or physical) is only a symptom of a much larger deficit in the marital relationship. There NO single behavioral solution to "fix" a broken marriage or to "force" a wayward spouse into repentance. No one is ever won for Christ through anger, blame and condemnation. In my opinion, this author is way off base and offers no sound method of reconciliation for a broken marriage.

He does a fine job of illustrating his interpretation of biblical/holy indignation yet completely avoiding the component of biblical/holy compassion, not to mention biblical reconciliation or restoration.

The best and most helpful advice by .. dallas (Dallas, TX)
I threw my husband out of the house when I found out he was having an affair with a woman at work. I was devastated, but he would not stop seeing this woman and was staying away from home for days at a time without any contact at all with me or our two small children. I told him he had to stop the affair or the marriage was over. He lied and said he did, but I found out shortly after I reconciled with him that he was still seeing her. After he left the second time, I struggled mightily with my decision and wavered between staying strong and falling apart whenever he'd call me. In short, whenever I became passive and sweet and forgiving, thinking he was having a change of heart, he'd invariably stomp all over me. He froze our bank accounts, came into the house without my knowledge and destroyed things, and ran up debts of almost $75,000. Once I got a lawyer, got tough, and said, "No more," and followed through with it, he backed off and began to treat me with more respect. I did end up divorcing him, but even with our struggles, the children and I are much happier now. Their father has ignored them for almost five years, but periodically he will call me up in the middle of the night, crying and leaving messages on the voice mail, begging to be forgiven. Ladies, do NOT make the mistakes I did. If he's determined to destroy your marriage, PLEASE do what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids. He won't do anything to help you, I guarantee it. If he suspects at all that because you still love him and are grieving the loss of your family, you'll do anything for him (like I did), you're finished. Please read this book, and as much as it hurts, face reality. Maybe he'll change, and maybe he won't, but enabling him and allowing him to repeatedly hurt and humiliate you will NOT bring him back.

great if you are new to the marriage failing by .. Edna Cody (titusville, fl)
I read this book when my husband had already moved out and is living with another women. For me, this book was too late but if you are in a place where your life partner is about to leave or has just left....this book is great. I am a Therapist and I highly recomend this book.

Must Reading for Every Spouse who has Heard These Words by .. Joyful Heart (Omaha, NE)
This book is excellent and must reading for every spouse who has heard the words, "I don't love you anymore." As I read the book, I didn't want to believe the author about what was really going on in my marriage, that my husband was emotionally detached from me and that drastic action would need to be taken if the marriage had a chance of being saved. This is about tough love, not changing for them so that you are "acceptable" to them. I did that (tried to be the wife he wanted me to be) but it didn't work anyway. They were just excuses he gave me of why he was so unhappy.

You will not regret reading this book and implementing what Dr. Clarke says to do. If you have heard the above words, please get this book as soon as you can and follow it. There is a chance your marriage may be saved. I know how painful this time is--I was married for 20 years to my husband when this happened and could not imagine life without him--but take it from me that this is necessary.

Related Search : says , love anymore , don t

You Don't Have to Take it Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One

Author : Steven Stosny Number of Pages : 384 Publisher : Free Press List Price : $25.00 Amazon Price : $5.75 Used Price : $5.51

Product Description

As many as one-third of all American women tiptoe through life as if they are walking on eggshells -- at home, they spend most of their time trying to avoid criticism, anger, put-downs, or cold shoulders from their husbands or boyfriends. This verbal and emotional abuse can erupt over anything and everything, matters large and small: housework, cooking, work, spending money, buying household items and clothes for the kids, and going out. Clearly, verbal and emotional abuse is a serious problem.

Relationship expert Dr. Steven Stosny has been featured on national media for the revolutionary techniques he uses in his Compassion-Power and Boot Camp programs, which help men rewire their resentment and anger, stop using emotionally abusive language and behavior, and compassionately recommit to their marriages and families.

Now, in You Don't Have to Take It Anymore, Dr. Stosny puts his effective, highly sought-after program into print, making it widely available for the first time for women who want to stop walking on eggshells. Drawing on his seventeen years of experience treating thousands of clients, Dr. Stosny explains the many different forms a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship can take. He explains how to identify abuse and why it's important to take action to change the relationship -- for not only is verbal and emotional abuse monumentally destructive to both the adults in the relationship, it also hurts their children. Dr. Stosny shows women and men how to apply his methods at home, shows women how to get their men to change, and demonstrates how they can know if change is permanent. Additionally, Dr. Stosny's program helps women recover from the pain and abuse by practicing self-healing skills so that they can reclaim their natural sense of competence and confidence. Using language that is more compassionate and accessible than in any other book on relationship abuse -- and different tactics from most other therapies and therapists -- You Don't Have to Take It Anymore presents a practical program that both women and men can use to stop verbal and emotional abuse.

Customer reviews

Needs more examples, won't get your partner to change if he's unwilling. by .. someone ()
I read this book twice and then also summarized some key points (as it was a library book). Overall, the message I took away (as the person who is walking on eggshells) is that it is only up to me to stop being angry and resentful for what my spouse did to me (emotional abuse), and it was up to me to start my own healing. Maybe that sounds like common sense, but I guess I never was fully aware that I can stop the anger and resentment I felt after I learned he knew he was being abusive to me the whole time. Maybe that was just the next emotion to come out when you are no longer putting your energies into walking on eggshells.

The other big thing I took away was that you can build up your own core value, which in turn will protect you from dings/dents from other people. I don't think I ever really internalized the words/messages from my spouse, which is probably why I didn't waste many precious years with him (nor do we have children). I never thought I was those things he said to me. Yes, he still saddened and disappointed me with his behavior and views on me. But still building up your core value will only be beneficial to you and help you do what is in the best interests for yourself.

What I did not get is how exactly you valuing yourself more would cause, in turn, for your spouse to treat you with more value. When I did most of the things he talked about, this actually made the abuse worse. Some of the worse months were when I truly believed I deserved to be treated better and acted so. And then handing him a book to read? HA! I guess Stosny did say at one point you'd have to leave in order to get him to fully realize. Unfortunately I left because I had had enough and couldn't take it anymore, and all the love was killed. It's a mighty drastic step to kick your partner out, and I cannot see doing this while you are still in love and wanting the relationship to work. So his theory on getting the abuser to change by treating yourself differently did not make alot of sense to me.

I think I also understood better why my spouse did what he did (aside from actually CHOOSING to do that). I understood the background. I've read alot of books on abuse (Bancroft, Evans, Engel), and Stosny's explanation fit my spouse the most I felt. It also helped me understand that because he came into the marriage feelings so inadequate, that is why no amount of reassuring and boosting coming from my end would really help. I couldn't help him, only he could. But he was in denial over what he was doing until I separated from him.

What I would have liked to see more real life examples, or applications of his principles. There weren't enough for my taste.

I got this book shortly after I had already broken up with my spouse and asked him to leave the house. I had no desire to work things out with him ever again. The book never encouraged me to "get over my anger and give it a try." To which I am thankful (the last thing I need is more guilt). There simply isn't any love let, it's been squashed, and abuse truly is a relationship destroyer. If you have no desire to work on it, it's really hard to muster even the slightest desire. Yet you can still benefit from this book. The first few chapter will deal with you.

My spouse is doing the HEALS because he started seeing a therapist after I broke up with him. I hope he can work on himself for sure, but not for "us" or the marriage.

A great way to understand your husband in a new POSITIVE way!!! by .. K. Pittman (San Diego, CA)
As I started reading this book I felt as though he was discribing my marriage exactly - with phrases that my husband says and everything. I have been reading a lot of books about saving a marriage and the emotionally abused and most of them truely focus on the fact that you are the victum and your spouse is the abuser. I was already in a negaative state of mind and was desperatly trying to find a way out to better my thinking and most of those books made me feel as though there may be no hope for us. Those books seemed to also say things that sounded similar to my siutation but this one was right on track and was almost scary how close it came to being EXACTLY like us. The other books focaused a lot on WHO was abusive in my life and making it seem as though it started form when I was a child and started making me resent some people in my family which was not helping me at all it was making my life even more sad because I almost felt trapped by abusers. This book focuses more on the positive and really works on you. It helps you understand your husband a little better and really brings light on why he is the way he is - not at all giving him excuses or making it right but helping you find the compastion and not anger toward your spouse. It works on YOU and making you happy again and finding that inner you that you once were. Once you are happy with yourself then the rest will follow suit in one way or the other. This was the book I was truely looking for!!!

It works!!! by .. K. Fennimore ()
I bought this book shortly after my wife had had enough of my angry, resentful and emotionally abusive behavior. I had recognized my problem behavior and been to counseling for years but it did not work. I was even taking medication in order to change my behavior and save my marriage - again, it did not help. When I bought the book, my marriage was over but I was still looking to improve myself for my children. I had to do something or my children would grow up hating me. I read the book and it was like a light went on. I understood where the anger came from, why it was so hard to control and why the endless counseling sessions never helped. I had a sense of hope I had never had before.

I started the HEALS exercises right away and within a week I could feel a difference. I attended one of Dr. Stosny's Boot Camps - it was amazing. The insight into relationships that I learned was incredible. After two weeks of doing the HEALS I felt amazing. I felt a sense of calmness and a sense of control (over myself) that I had never felt before. I was actually happy, deep down inside.

It has been a difficult road but my wife and I are back together and doing well. I still have my moments of anger but they are very few and far between. Practicing HEALS on occasion helps.

I cannot say enough positive things about this book. This book and Dr. Stosny have changed my life and I thank God for bringing both of them into my life. If you are an abuser or feel you are being abused (i.e., walking on eggshells) PLEASE buy this book and get the help you deserve. If you're not sure, click on the "Search Inside" and look at the Excerpt Section. Take the "Walking on Eggshells Quiz" and see how many times you'd check the "Most of the time". My wife would have said it was ALL of the time.

I just finished reading the book "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words" and found it to be very helpful as well.

Also, for those reviewers who feel this book is biased against men, you need to understand that 99% of the abuse that occurs is perpetrated by men. The book is great at explaining the reasons why men are more prone to being angry and resentful and how that leads to abuse. I believe that the book talks about abuse by women and that the HEALS exercises work for that as well.

Thank you Dr. Stosny for helping me get my life back and becoming the husband and father I've always wanted to be but couldn't.

A Wonderful Book to Get the Process of Compassion Started by .. Dr Lisa Love (Encinitas, CA United States)
As a counselor I have dealt with clients who are struggling with abuse and have often recommended this book. I find it especially useful, however, for those who are feeling abused, and though it can be useful to those who are abusing, this is only the case if they are already open to the process of "boot camp" utilized in this book. This means they already understand the control and entitlement issues that keep them locked into the abuse pattern as more adequately explained in the book Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Once the abuser has broken through the denial of abuse and is ready for serious confrontation and healing of these issues, the tools of Stosny's book are very valuable, especially his "Heals" steps, for helping the abuser confront the abuse patterns without shame. The book also illustrates how compassion is needed when the person who has been abused finally feels safe enough to express his/her hurt, pain, fear, and anger regarding being abused over the months/years. Used in this light, I feel this book is an extremely useful and valuable tool for both therapists and those who are struggling with abuse directly in their lives. - Dr. Lisa Love, Beyond the Secret

Excellent Self-help For Individuals & Couples by .. C. A. Nicholls (Nicholasville, KY USA)
Stosny's book is excellent! It teaches individuals how to heal from the pain anger has caused and how to heal relationhips damaged by anger in clear and simple steps. I have used the book in counseling with couples struggling in emotionally and physically abuse relationships. Doing the exercises and applying the principles in this book can bring peace and power to the individual and to the relationship.

Related Search : relationship into , angry or , take anymore